Without Me Haldir Verson
by xXFallenXx
Summary: Crap warning. This sucks. I wrote it after seeing The Two Towers. So it has SPOLIERS and Haldir singing his verson 'Without me'


Without Me (Haldir's Version)  
  
Disclaimer: I Don't own LOTR, Tolkein dose. And without me belongs to Enimen (sp?) A/N: This has spoilers for The Two Towers. So don't read unless you seen it or don't care. Thank you~ Amanda The Mighty  
  
Haldir sat there at the theater, dumbfounded. A slow anger was rising through his veins. Peter Jackson killed him off. A heroic death, yes, death that really didn't happen, No. Haldir started breathing heavily. Legolas, who was sitting next to him, started telling him to calm down because Jackson messed up on plenty of things and wanted the viewers to get more emotionally involved. But that didn't help any. "He-Killed-Me-Off!" Now Haldir was getting the attention of other people, such as Galadirel and Frodo. "Haldir, they made me King Bitch, so don't worry." Elrond said trying to calm the silver-blond hair elf down. "And they forgot about me." Said Glorfindel. "Besides," said Frodo, "true fans of the books know the truth, and if they are anything like Amanda they will go ballistic. Look at the author, she bit her lip so hard she stated bleeding." "ARRGGGHHHHH!!!" Haldir yelled just before an usher kicked him out of the theater.  
  
* * * Galadirel was worried. Very much so, Haldir hasn't come out of his house for almost three days now. has he killed himself? No, he didn't because she could heard soft mumblings of 'Killed-me-off. Killed ME off.' Then she had an idea. "Haldir." She said while knocking on the door. 'Come out, Peter Jackson said he was going to give apologies to anyone he offended when he made this movie." 'Like last time to Glorfindel?" "Yes." It was true Jackson was going to beg forgiveness to the characters he offended in this movie. Well, Haldir was going to tell him what he thought of being killed off.  
  
* * * "Men, Hobbits and Elves" Peter Jackson said to the group of people, "once again, I would like to ask for you forgiveness. Be it from Gimli for turning him into comic relief or Haldir for killing him off. Hey where is Haldir?'  
  
Then music started blaring up and all of a sudden they heard Haldir singing  
  
Don't ya know? Real Name No Gimmicks"  
  
The lights faded and a spotlight (manned by Legolas) centered on the door then Haldir busted in. And he kept on singing.  
  
2 Rohan girls go round me outside  
  
round me outside, round me outside  
  
2 Rohan girls go round me outside  
  
round me outside, round me outside  
  
Then Legolas started singing with Gimli  
  
Guess whose back, back again  
  
Haldir's back, tell a friend  
  
Guess who's back, guess who's back,  
  
guess who's back  
  
Guess who's back...  
  
Haldir jumped up on the table in which everyone was sitting by. And Kept on singing.  
  
  
  
I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to  
  
see the Haldir no more they want that guy He pointed to a screenshot of him fixing to die. I'm chopped liver  
  
well if you want That guy, this is what I'll give ya  
  
a little bit of hobbit weed mixed with some hard liquor  
  
some ale that'll jumpstart my heart quicker then a  
  
shock when I get shocked at Rivendel by the Lord. When I'm not cooperating  
  
when I'm rocking the table while he's operating  
  
you waited this long now stop debating cuz I'm back,  
  
I'm on the rag and ovulating  
  
He walked over to Peter Jackson  
  
I know that you got a job Mr. Jackson but your movie crew problem's complicating  
  
So you wont let me be or let me be me so let me see  
  
You tried to kill me on TTT but it feels so empty without me  
  
So come on and dip, bum on your lips fuck that,  
  
somethin' on your lips and some on your tits and get ready cuz this shit's about to get heavy  
  
I just settled all my lawsuits Fuck  
  
YOU LEGGY!  
  
Legolas looked mad then Haldir mouth 'sorry' to him but he needed something that rhymed with 'Heavy'  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Celeborn nodded in Haldir's direction agreeing with him.  
  
Little hellions kids feeling rebellious  
  
embarrassed, their parents still listen to Elros  
  
they start feeling the prisoners helpless,  
  
'til someone comes along on a mission and yells "bitch"  
  
A visionary, vision is scary, could start a revolution, pollutin the eleven songs a rebel  
  
so let me just revel an bask, in the fact that I got everyone kissing my ass  
  
and it's a disaster such a catastrophe for you to see so damn much of my ass you ask for me?  
  
Haldir was angry still, everyone could tell, and by Elrond's guess Haldir will stay that way until he has Mr. Jackson's head on a pike.  
  
Well I'm back [batman sound]  
  
fix your bent arrow and bow and tune it in and then I'm gonna  
  
enter in and up under your skin like a splinter  
  
The center of attention back for the winter  
  
I'm interesting, the best thing since wrestling  
  
Infesting in your kids ears and nesting  
  
Testing "Attention Please" feel the tension soon as someone mentions me  
  
here's my 10 cents my 2 cents is free  
  
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?  
  
Legolas was doing a good job with the lighting. Haldir now almost had what looked like A Dragon Ball Z battle aura around him  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Amanda (me BTW) came in with her copy of Lord Of the Rings and shoved it in front of Peter saying something about reading the book before writing the script.  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
  
  
A tisk-it a task-it, I'll go tit for tat with anybody who's talking this shit that shit.  
  
Aragorn attack it, you can get your ass kicked  
  
worse than them little 'lets hobbit it' bastards, and Orcys  
  
you can get stomped by Enties, you 36 thousand bald headed freaks blow me  
  
You don't know me, you're too old let go its over, nobody listens to Arwen  
  
Now lets go, just give me the signal I'll be there with a whole list full of new insults  
  
I've been dope, suspenseful with a pencil ever since  
  
Thranduil turned himself into a symbol  
  
But sometimes the shit just seems, everybody only wants to discuss me  
  
So this must mean I'm disgusting, but its just me I'm just obscene  
  
Though I'm not the first king of controversy  
  
I am the worst thing since Feanor, to do Human Music so selfishly  
  
and use it to get myself wealthy (Hey) Haldir mouth apologies to whom ever he insulted in that verse. But he had more to go and at least he didn't do what Glorfindel did to Jackson. that guy was hurt badly.  
  
There's a concept that works  
  
20 million other Elven rappers emerge  
  
but no matter how many fish in the sea it'd be so empty without me  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
Now this looks like a job for me so everybody just follow me  
  
cuz we need a little controversy,  
  
cuz it feels so empty without me  
  
The music faded and stopped. Haldir sat there panting. He wasn't dead so Peter had no right to kill him off. Then Peter Jackson said,  
  
"I'm sorry, but I wanted the audience to be more emotionally involved." then with that Haldir Yelled..  
  
A/N: Sorry! I had to let out my anger on something or else I would go insane for that. But I love Haldir! I don't know why. But I just do so I got really mad when he was killed off. Please read and review and give me constructive critism, and flames would be used to make a nice big fire for elven swords smiths to make my sword of DOOM. 


End file.
